You CAN change the world

I saw this on a website in which I receive their newsletter: www.mercola.com . I really liked it and wanted to share it with all of you. I take no credit for it, but did want to pass it on.

Mahatma Gandhi said, "In a gentle way you can shake the world." And there are ways of doing just that. You can make changes for the better if you:

• Know that significant change throughout history has occurred because of the courage and commitment of individuals
• Believe that you have a unique purpose and potential
• Recognize that nothing you do is trivial, and everything matters
• Take personal responsibility
• Don't wait, and don't get caught up in the details
• Be aware Change yourself

The following is written on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in Westminster Abby (1100 A.D):

"When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.
"But it, too, seemed immovable.
"As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.
"And now, as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.
"From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country, and who knows, I may have even changed the world."

The Rock

One day a woman was able to do something that she had always dreamed of, buy a home with many acres of land, with miles of beautiful sunsets and sunrises. It was the most idyllic setting she could ever have imagined.
Years earlier when she had come to visit the area, she had come upon a woman who owned a beautiful piece of property and in the middle of the property, far out from the house, was a rock. This rock was grand, with its silky smooth surface and gentle edges. It was only so high and flat on one end and then gradually inclined on the other. On this rock this woman would be able to sit with her legs crossed and meditate, or on the incline if she chose she could lie down as she bathed in the warm sun. She spent many hours a day on this rock, reading, meditating, or simply enjoying a warm cup of tea while looking at a beautiful sunset.
This woman wanted to move to this place for as long as she can remember, and since meeting that woman and learning of her most sacred place, she had carved that imagine in her mind and always hoped to create such a retreat for herself.

When the day finally came for her to move into her new home, in no time she is unpacked and well on her way to feeling as if she had been there forever. The only thing that she hadn’t gotten into place was her “rock”.
Early one morning she had decided that it was time to find that rock, that sacred place to call her own, so she set out on a path through the acres of land that were now hers and she searched and she searched.
She began to realize very quickly that this was not going to take just one journey, that it might in fact take a very long time to find the perfect rock, but she just had to have it, she needed that space, that sturdy, smooth texture under her, so that she could be at peace and meditate and read her books.
It wasn’t even three days of looking that she became quickly impatient and this time she set out and simply stated to herself, “I must find a rock to call my own.”
So on this day with a strong mind set and determination she set out and looked feverishly about and she finally came upon this rock. She stood by the rock and looked around and climbed upon it, and while it was hard to keep her balance, from the top she looked around and thought, wow what a beautiful sight.

“This is amazing, I did it, I found my rock and now I can begin to have peace and serenity in my life.”

When she stepped back and took in a full view of this rock she felt a heavy sigh come over her as she noticed that the rock really didn’t have a smooth surface to it, but rather a course one. And while it was big, all the sides were slightly inclined so that there really wasn’t a very comfortable place for sitting on it, and there was certainly no place for lying down.
But this was her rock, the one that she had waited for, for so long and she was determined to make it work so that once and for all she could find peace and happiness within.
Day after day, she went out to her rock. The weather was beautiful. Pleasant winds, a soft sun that warmed her skin, and gentle clouds that protected her form the sun feeling too harsh.
The view was to die for.
Sometimes she would come out early in the morning and see the sun rise behind her house and other times she would come at dusk and watch the sun go down.

As she sat on the rock though, her back would hurt terribly as there was no flat surface to sit on, the course texture took its toll on her bare feet and hands. She hardly ever read because she couldn’t concentrate. She certainly couldn’t meditate because she couldn’t find a comfortable position. She could only sit, not lay down and it was very soon that her body began to get very tired.
She had noticed that while she was sitting out there, her body was tense all the time and simply to find good posture and balance on this rock was impossible.

Soon she began to get angry.

“Why can’t this rock be perfect like that other woman’s rock?”“She had everything.”

She wished for a moment that she could find a big chisel and bang this rock into a shape that worked better for her. Then she quickly realized that even if she did that, she could never get the texture to be the same silky smooth texture that the other rock was.
“Why does this have to happen this way, why can’t anything ever work out for me, so that once and for all I can have peace in my life?” she yelled out loud.

One day the woman brought a friend to her rock. She was kind of excited about finally sharing it with someone else.
When her friend reached the area of the rock, she looked puzzled.
She said, “ I don’t get it, how could you possibly come out here and be at peace with a rock that is so unsuitable to what you have always wanted?”
“Wouldn’t it make more sense to find a clearing over there in the meadow and lay a blanket down so that you can sit more comfortably?”

No!, the woman exclaimed.
“This is how I always planned for it. Others have made it work and I can make it work too. I deserve this. I deserve to have good things.”

And so for a very long time, this woman continued to make her way out to her rock in an attempt to find comfort and peace.

Over the years, her body began to wear down. Her legs and hands with calluses, her back so sore it made it hard for her to walk.
Time again she would look over at the meadow and think about what it would be like to lay out a blanket or sit in a small chair amongst the grasses. It wouldn’t take much to do at all, but as she looked over to the other part of the land, she realized she was afraid.
For so long she had held onto her belief that this is what it meant to be happy and so she clung to it with all her might. It didn’t even matter to her that it wore her down.

“To have something good in life takes commitment and dedication” she told herself.

More and more, as her body began to ache, she would look over at the meadow.
New neighbors had moved in over the years and one day she saw the family of four sharing a blanket and having a picnic out in their yard. They seemed so happy, so at peace, so free to move around as they pleased.
She slowly began to entertain the thought, that maybe there was something to all of that. That maybe it wasn’t in fact the rock at all that was the key to her happiness.
But she couldn’t be sure.

“One day” she said to herself, “maybe I will try that and see what it would be like.”


One day… she thought, as she lifted her face up to greet the warm sun.

Happy New Year

I am back! And very much looking forward to the new year. Love when a new year begins as I see it as a great opportunity to do some “mental” house cleaning. Out goes the old stuff, in with the new. I like to take the time to literally go through file cabinets, closets and just about any room in the house and get rid of the clutter. ( hence, the extended break between blogs) I use the tax write off excuse as the motivation for this, but honestly I just love to get rid of clutter.
I also find it a good time to reflect on what has changed over the course of the past year, good and bad and get rid of the “mental clutter”. I am often surprised to find that so much good has happened, so much positive change has occurred and I had not taken the time to notice.
As for what didn’t pan out the way I might have hoped or planned, I like to take this time to either then throw it out and move it out of the way or begin to plan my way of digging deeper into that goal to make it happen.
I am a true believer that we can do anything we set out to do. While getting to the right mind to be able to carry that out might be an exercise in persistence and diligence, once you believe in the process, it is like having a magical tool right in your own hand.
A wonderful link is www.thesecret.tv, this hour and a half program gives great insight into how we can move toward anything we want, if we just use the right energy.

New Year’s Goals

At this time I challenge anyone out there to take the time, finding about a half an hour to think about and take notes on what it is that you have in your life, what it is that you are doing today, and where would you like to be one year from now. In future blogs I am going to focus on how to successfully set goals and put balance into your life, but for today it would be as productive to simply ask yourself, where am I today and how would I like in my life to be different one year from now.

Really try to imagine yourself one year from now doing or obtaining what ever it is that you desire.
Then write down, I will have X one year from today, or I will be doing Y consistently, one year from today.
I encourage you to scan all the different areas of your life, as if we are balanced in our mission to make changes in our life, we are far more successful, then if we plow ahead in only one area, neglecting all other areas, because we then usually only need to come back and make repairs.

Once you have written all of your goals and desires down on paper, put it in a safe place, store it away. It is said in many writing’s of motivationalists that if you write your goals down, even if you never look at that list again, you will accomplish what is on that list.

We have a new year ahead of us and I am very excited about making positive things happen in my life and I look forward to enjoying the journey that I will be taking with some of you through your positive changes.

I wish all a very happy and healthy New Year!

Letting Go

Sometimes when we try to move forward, we find that it somehow feels impossible. At times it is because we are unfamiliar with the direction in which we want to go and other times it is because we know that if we move forward, we in fact may be leaving something behind.

The hardest part to understand is, exactly what is it that we are letting go. If we are ending a relationship, it seems obvious we are letting someone go that we once loved. If we are graduating from school, leaving a new job, we may be losing some people that we like and have known for years but won’t see again because we have no other relationship with them out side of work or school.
Many times though it is not so clear. We could be staying at a job that we have hated for years, or a relationship that we have been miserable in for a long time, and somehow we still can’t seem to let go.

I truly believe we often don’t let go because we have no idea where we are going. We don’t know what the future holds, if we will succeed in this new change, if we won’t end up being alone. So the moving toward our future is often much too scary a venture. Staying with what is familiar seems to be the safer idea.

Staying with the familiar though comes with a price and sometimes that price is paid for in heartache and misery.

When we are afraid of what lies ahead we play these mental gymnastics, weighing the pros and cons coming to the conclusion that in fact it really is the best idea to stay right were we are for now. Even though everything about it feels wrong, we convince ourselves why it is right.

If fearing the unknown is what prevents you from moving forward, letting go of something or someone that you no longer want to be with, then making the future known is the best way to begin moving.

There are many ways in which we can make the unknown known. We first need to determine where it is that we want to go. Many of us can’t do that and underestimate the importance of this step. Would you set out on a trip with out any destination or even vague idea of where you are going, then, start out without a map to get there.
Most of us would say no. It doesn’t even really makes sense to do that, unless your goal is to wander the states aimlessly and live each day for what it is, even then, that technically is a goal and therefore you in fact do know what you are headed towards.


Sitting with our own thoughts long enough to ask ourselves what it is that we want in place of what ever it is that we want to let go of, is very important.

If you are leaving your job for example, it would be very important to determine what you want to do next for work, what jobs are available, imagine yourself actually doing that kind of work, taking the dry run drive to see what the place is like or how long it takes to get there.
The unknown can always become known if we do a little bit of research about where it is that we want to go. You will start to find that once this new place is familiar to you, you will more naturally move toward this new place.

Sometimes letting go is not about the fear of the unknown but might be more about what letting go means. Letting goes means forever, letting go means being alone, which of course means forever. Letting go means this deep painful loss, letting go means rejection.

Sometimes when we have something, whether it is a person or a possession, we feel comforted. If we are in a relationship and we are not happy, we say, well something is better then nothing because we have been socialized to not be comfortable with being alone.
While humans are social creatures and do depend on each other for survival, our society teaches enmeshment to be the natural state of relating. We don’t encourage one another to develop into their own person and then relate to them from our own fully individuated place within ourselves. We teach our children to need us, to be dependent on us and we grow up as adults needing and depending on each other in a much less healthy way then necessary.
In this upbringing, the lessons we learn are that we can’t do it on our own, that we need others, not to survive, but to be happy. The two have become so intertwined in our meaning though that we think that if we are not happy with being alone then we will not survive.
The concept of being alone is one of the most powerful, painful, emotion filled topics that is talked about in my sessions. People would rather die, be abused, give up their life dreams then be alone.

This is also true if we apply this concept to our jobs, to a habit, or when we can’t seem to clean out our houses of old “stuff”. We believe that if we let this “stuff” go then we are somehow less then or that we have lost something and we feel the pain so deeply because of this, that we choose to stay where we are, because it is easier to stay and be unhappy then it is to leave and be overwhelmed with the emotions that come with being alone, without our external validations.
This validation can be whatever we deem to be the most important thing in our life that we connect ourselves. For some it is children, so when they are old enough to leave home or start heading out more independently, we don’t let them go. For others it is work, we fear not having the validation that we once believe we received from this job that we stay hoping it will get better, because the future being unknown may not bring the validation necessary to stay afloat emotionally. Maybe it is a relationship that we have been in far too long, that we continue to hang onto because we can’t stand the thought of being alone. A something is better then nothing kind of thinking.

If this sounds to be more of the style in which you live your life, then building a sense of your own competencies from the inside out is what your focus needs to be. Many of us are so caught up in finding validation from outside sources that we have no idea of our own strengths, weaknesses or competencies. Many of us are complete strangers to ourselves and then wonder why it is so uncomfortable being alone.
Think about it, of course you would be uncomfortable spending the night with someone you didn’t know or worse someone you didn’t like, so it stands to reason that you would avoid it at all costs.

We need to learn how to become comfortable in our own skins. “I always say, where ever I go, there I am”. I am a constant in my own life, so it goes without saying that it would probably be a pretty good thing for me to get to like me and know who I am, what I like, what I don’t like and where I want to go.

While this sound maybe simple, maybe ridiculous and way off base, I can promise you, if you continue to look for happiness from sources outside of yourself, you will always feel like something is missing. No matter how great a job, how awesome your children or the lover you have, there will be this void and that void is the relationship that you don’t have with yourself.

Also, only when you know yourself well, can you share yourself with another.

I encourage anyone who wants more for themselves out of life to begin the practice of recognizing ones own competencies and rewriting old negative scripts that tell them they are anything less then loveable and worthy and for those who fear making change to begin the process of making the unknown known.

Holidays

For each of us, “holiday” means something different.

Some people are eager for the holidays and start decorating the day after Thanksgiving, attend many parties, find deep religious meaning, and find the whole season to be spiritual, fun filled and effortless.
On the other end of the spectrum, there are those who simply survive the holidays.
They face them alone, sitting with feelings of loss and sadness, often spending the time numbing themselves with their “distraction of choice”. (see previous blog)
The rest, of course, fall within this continuum.

While it is certainly true that for some, the holidays are a wonderful joyous occasion, for the majority, they are filled with negative stress.

While I suppose I can go on and state what the purpose of holidays are in a historical, philosophical or spiritual sense, I am instead going to simply focus on how you can make better what ever the holiday and orientation to it you may have.


Baggage and Distractions

So often during the holiday season we carry with us old baggage. We can’t help it. Seasonal activities are triggers. Triggers are events that can bring us back to an earlier time in our life. Triggers can be in the form of time changes (we might hear ourselves say “I hate this time of year when it gets dark early”), smells (we walk into a house at Christmas, smell the familiar smells in the kitchen and are brought back to an earlier time at “grammas”), which of course can bring a peaceful calm to you or can make you shudder. Sounds and images can also trigger us….anything can bring us back to an earlier time.

We can be facing a new divorce, having joint visitation which now breaks up the holiday visits. We might have so much family, step families and grandparents to visit that there could never be enough time in a day to visit them all, but visit we must.

Then of course there is the financial stress. How many times do we put ourselves into debt so that we can have the best holiday with the best food, best gifts, hosting the greatest party ever, only to be hit over the head with a brick soon after when we realize the debt we obtained in the process.

When faced with all of this stress we often engage in our Distractions (as written in previous blog). Too much alcohol is consumed, eating becomes out of control, the moans and groans of begin “stuffed” are heard throughout the house. We run from place to place believing that it is very holiday like and spiritual and good of us to make sure that we leave no one out because we certainly would not want to hurt anyone’s feelings on a holiday. As well, we want to make sure that our gifts convey how much we like a person so we just have to buy something really great and so off we go shopping to find that perfect gift so that we can make everyone in our lives happy, happy. We buy for the dogs, the grandparents, the parents, the aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, neighbors, mailmen, garbage men. Everyone has to be included and of course we can’t be flimsy about what is given as that would be rude and embarrassing and might show us to be cheap in character – all the while the debt is growing, credit cards through the roof, bills getting put off, electricity on the brink of shut off, fighting like cats and dogs with our families blah blah blah –
But isn’t it a nice holiday season.
Ah, all is well.


So how do we get through the holiday season in a way that is different from our norm?

For starters it is important to recognize what the stressors are for you.
If you have old memories or unresolved issues that that seem to bring you down, sit with this, think about what specifically goes on for you. Talk about it with a friend or someone you trust, grieve the losses, and let it go. Only when we specifically identify what is disturbing us, look at it, bring it to realization that it is in fact an old memory, something in the past, then reframe it, can we then let it go.
It could be something as simple as “ you know every year when we decorated the house for the holiday, my parents would fight over how it should be done”, and so each year “when I set out to decorate, I feel as lousy as I did when I was a kid and heard them fighting and then I don’t want to decorate anymore”.
You can sit with this memory, share these thoughts with a friend, grieve the loss that you experienced as a child, then bring it back to today and ask yourself, how do I want to do this for me and my family, today? What would make me feel good?

Minimize the use of drugs or alcohol. While it may be fine for the user, it often creates tremendous annoyance or chaos for others around them. Arguments break out because one is angry that now the person using can’t help with the kids, carry the food in, or drive the car. Many a holiday has been ruined, especially for the children, by the overused of drugs and alcohol. If possible, refrain from the use while in family situations. If you attend adult parties where everyone is participating, less can go wrong. But of course always be careful when driving. There is nothing more stressful then losing a loved one around the holiday and now this becomes the memory that the family must face for years to come.

I know that this sounds preachy but very often people engage in the usual use of alcohol, create chaos and then say, what the hell went wrong here?

Over eating is another distraction that is used very often. If we over eat a bit, and know that, well next week we can get back on track, and so it is not a big deal.
Many people though eat to block out unwanted feelings. They feel high stress or sadness and start the journey into endless food consumption. While it may bring relief in that moment, it often results in the longer term effect of a person who is tired, cranky and uncomfortable because of having too full a belly.
Not eating at all can be problematic for all the same reasons. Low blood sugar or surges can bring emotional shifts from out of no where.


The holiday are stressful and we use our distractions to help calm the anxieties that surround them, only to find out that it has in fact added more stress.

There is no one size fits all method that can be employed to guarantee that the holidays will be less stressful. They will probably never be the Hallmark moments that we all secretly wish for, but by coming to a place where you can ask yourself honestly what it is that you want for you and your family, you may get a little bit closer to having a more fulfilling holiday season.

Since we often just go into the season doing what we have always done and are disappointed with the result, it stands to reason that if we spend a little time soul searching we might actually come up with a plan that might work in making our experiences come a little bit closer to what we really want.


What do I want?

How do I simplify this?
The only way to have a more enjoyable holiday, is to do what feels right in you heart and be in sync with the ones that you are doing it with.

While this sounds logical and at the same time impossible, you can bring greater pleasure to your holiday season if you spend at least some time asking yourself different questions that will bring you to the answer of what you want your holiday to be like.

While going through this process be care to sort through the “but I should..”, the people pleasing and “but it is tradition” kinds of thinking.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you do a little bit of soul searching:

What do each of the different holidays mean to me?
What kind of baggage do I have relating to holidays and what do I want to let go of?
What do I want for myself, specifically on this day?
What do I want for my family?
What do I want with my significant other/spouse?
How do I want it to be like my past, how do I want it to be different?
Why do I do the things that I do now? Do I run all over to simply to please others? Does this make me really enjoy the holiday or does it make me just feel like a good person because I did what everyone else wanted without an argument?
Do I withdraw, and take extreme measure of independence, stating what I want, without any consideration of others?
Do I induce guilt on those around me so that they will do it my way?
As much as I would like to see everyone, is it making this day a quality day or is it just a day of chaos and obligation?
Are there events that I will attend, that I don’t really need to, but can’t say “no”? How would I like to do that different?
Do the people in my life have the same values as I do and if not how can I respect those differences?
How can I show people that I have thought about them and give them a little something to show this, without it costing more money or time then I can spend?
What are my expectations about any gifts or recognition I believe I should be getting?
How do I set myself up to want something that is unreasonable from the giver?
How do I take my old baggage and sling it at the people that I love today?
What do I want to teach my children about this particular holiday?
Do I have to be drunk and crazy to have a good time?
Do I overlook what is really best for my children by only focusing on what I want or don’t want.



Of course this has to be a conversation that you first have with yourself and then one that you have with a significant other. If you are married, you can’t just come up with what you want single handedly, that is a sure fire way to increase, not decrease the stress. This needs to be a conversation of negotiation and compromise. Unless of course if you have a spouse that would rather have you take the lead, then by all means, start planning.

The children

How much do the children matter in all of this? So very often we as so busy running around doing all this stuff and having a great time, that we forget that our children still need us to guide them, set limits for them, and need us to give them the one on one.

Remember, if you are a parent of young children, it is important to realize you are creating memories for your family. A child, when stressed, will not retain the events as well as if they are calm, relaxed and can take the time to take in all that is around them.
We pull kids in and out of stores, overwhelm them with gifts, drag them from house to house, promise them the world and go into debt for them and then forget to just be with them. Try to slow it down, ask them how they are doing, play a quiet game at the end of the day, read a holiday story with them. This is where the memories will be formed.


Just remember – the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Making changes at first may seem more stressful rather then less, but it is well worth the extra effort now, that will allow for you to start new traditions for yourself and your family that you can carry on for years to come.

Distractions

When you are a child and you live in a world of chaos, fear and dysfunction, you create a world for yourself, just so that you can survive. If you are a person who was born with a temperament that caused you to be shy, fearful or awkward, you may have needed to find some place that you could go, to be free from the burden of the constant distress that danced within yourself.

I, a recovering alcoholic, sober 15 years, was asked the question one day, when was the first time I got “hooked”? People with addictions seemed to be able to remember the time when it clicked, “Yes, this is it. This is what I need to make me happy!”

I was confused though. I remember no such moment.

I really took my time and thought about me as having an addictive personality and how that all came about.
As I thought about it, it came to me pretty easily.
I always kind of knew that alcohol was not my primary addiction. While it was hard to let go of it and never being able to drink even socially again at age 27 made me feel like quite the alien, I just knew that it wasn’t “the one”.
No, my real addiction was relationships.
I would say I got my first “high” around 4 or 5 years old.
While the actual story is vague, I remember there being a babysitter’s boyfriend that I thought was the greatest thing in the world. His name was Tommy.
Tommy did it for me. He had very short dark hard, dark eyes and a deep voice. When Tommy was over the house, he gave me all sorts of attention, he made me laugh and I believed I was the most special little girl in the world when he was around.
Then, the next memory is more visceral because - there is nothing to remember.
One day, he was just gone. I would ask when he was coming back, but because he was in the Army no one could answer as to when. Of course as a little girl, I didn’t get that. I only knew he was gone and I wanted him back.

I feel like I have spent the rest of my life trying to find “Tommy”. He was my escape from what ever discomfort I was feeling at the time. If I were to feel sad or lonely or alone, I could think about him and believe that he was there for me, I just needed to find him again one day and all would be well.

This was all an illusion of course. Tommy did exist, but I don’t think he played that much of a role in my life.

That part is irrelevant though. How we get hooked or what we get hooked on doesn’t have to start with some great trauma or be something that people write about in memoirs.
Many times when I talk to clients that have addictive personalities and are aware that they do, they cannot retrace the steps to how it all began.

I challenge anyone who does believe them self to have an addictive personality, to sit with it and try to retrace back to when you believe it began. It could end up being an amazing personal journey.

Addictions are simply distractions. Our unconscious belief is, “If I could go into a world that is filled with something better then this one, then I strive to continue to repeat the visits to that world”.

So when I say I got my first high, it had nothing to do with drugs or alcohol.

Addictions are our distractions, they take us away from what is uncomfortable.

The role of distraction has played a part in my life from that time in my life through today. My distractions just look different today, but they are still there and it is often a struggle to keep them at bay and get focused and centered enough to be in the moment.

The goal is to eliminate these distractions all together, but generally, in the process of doing that we begin by eliminating the biggest and most personally damaging ones first. Then you continue to work on whatever comes up next as addictions usually change hats over the course of time. As we let go of one, we pick up another. The hope is that, if we continue to do our personal growth work, the next hat is less destructive and injurious to ourselves.

Here is a list of different distractions:

Eating: So much is centered around food. Some eat too little and are consumed with being thin. Some eat too much and are trying to stuff pain and emotion or are trying to hide behind their own weight.

Obsessive exercise: The philosophy is, “if I look good, then I will feel good”.

Drugs & Alcohol: This goes with out saying. The tricky part is understanding that there is a fine line between a true justification of “just drinking only in social situations”, or “only drinking fine wine in nice glasses”, or “having only one black out a year”, and when is it in fact problematic and being used as a distraction.

Relationships: When are they healthy and loving and reciprocal and when are they what we obsess over most, forgetting that there is a whole lot more in life that we forget to experience, because we need to be with that person. Or people. This could be significant other relationships or this could be relationships with friends, or maybe even relationships through blogs and the internet.

Children: Very convenient distraction. Our children need us, we have to obsess over the sneezes and the grades and the bad days, how else will they feel loved and grow up to be happy adults?

Work: Societal support galore. A hard worker is often admired and put on a pedestal. This is a very easy distraction to get lost in especially if you are the bread winner of the family. We have very valid reasons why we can’t be available to the family or a spouse if we want to pay the bills on time.

Shopping/Getting something new: We believe that we are as good as what we own. “I am a happier if I look good in new clothes”. “I feel better about myself if I drive a nice car”.

The list is endless and I know that I have not covered them all. Anyone who has additional ones to add can share it in the comment section if you would like. Please feel free to make yourself anonymous our use your initials only.

In order to move forward, grow personally, let go of old baggage, we have to learn how to slow down, let go of the distractions, and be with ourselves.

* Only when we can be still in our minds can we ask ourselves important questions like: What matters to me?, What do I want from life?, and Am I happy?.

* Only when we know the answers to these questions can we then set boundaries.

* Only when we truly know who we are and can set boundaries, can we be intimate with another.

It comes around full circle. If we continue to live with our distractions, we may know happiness for the moment, but will always seem to have this underlying unsettled feeling that something isn’t quite right.


If we learn to slow down, be with ourselves and do some soul searching for the answers to some of these questions, then maybe we can start to live a happier more fulfilled life.

Thought for the Day

Here is a quote from Mother Theresa that I read on a friend's blog today. When I saw it, I felt that I wanted to share it with all of you.

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"If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, People may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, They may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway."

Mother Theresa

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Enough said.

There are no greater words of wisdom that I can share with you today that would surpass these words.

Have a wonderful day and go for everything that you believe you deserve to have in your life, and go with strength and conviction.